Journal Entry
Loving myself has been a journey. I’ve come to understand that it does not come as natural a habit as one would think. Instead, it requires intentionality, a conscious and daily decision to accept and appreciate the person I am. Reflecting on this journey, I realized how consumed I was with the person I wanted to become that I neglected loving the person I was (in that season).
As a recovering perfectionist, I’m very much acquainted with being my loudest critic. There is always room to do better and be better. While this might be true, I’d seen how toxic this thought became to the way I loved myself. It blinded me from seeing how far I had already come and dampened my appreciation for that.
But here’s to that thought…
Self-love is an intentional decision to accept and appreciate not only the person you are becoming but the person you are now. It is never to be reserved and awarded for the high seasons of your life; even in your lowest moments you owe love to yourself. Yes, with the bad habits you haven’t yet manage to quit or the areas of weakness you have yet to improve, know that the person you are now is just as worthy of love as the person you are yet to become.
~deserving
If you only look for God in the miraculous, you’ll often miss him in the mundane. As you become more aware of His presence in the intricate details of your life, you will begin to see that you are blessed more than you think. Seeing His hand delicately at work in simple ways will stir up a gratitude on the inside of you as you begin to trust in His goodness more deeply. God has not left you nor has He ever forgotten you regardless of how absent He may seem. My pray for you is that in the midst of your desire for a breakthrough, you will remember and trust in the goodness of God. My pray is that where you have not yet seen a miracle, you would remember to search within the seemingly minute because it is there that you will find His fingerprint in every detail, knitting together a story for your good and His glory.
~blessed
The company we keep impacts us to a great extent and most times, greater than what we are aware of. For this reason, it is important to be intentional about maintaining quality in your corner because life is more than the glitz and glamour, it is also about the purpose and legacy. Quality company is key because in your low times they are the ones that fill the gap, reminding you of your true identity and calling out purpose when all you see is pain. Like Naomi was to Ruth and Mordecai to Esther, you need discerning persons who can identify your greater calling when you don’t yet see it. Quality motivates you to walking out the fullness of your assignment and representing well the Kingdom of Heaven. Quality is rare, hard to find, so when it is found it should be treasured.
~quality
It is a shame that at times the enemy knows and believes what the Word of God says about us more than we do. He is more than aware of the power that lies in our Christ rooted identity but if he can get us to believe otherwise then we would be disarmed and susceptible to his destruction.
The enemy is the father of lies and so for everything he says about you… it is the opposite. But in order to detect the lie you must first know the truth. You must know that you have been chosen, you must know that you are loved and have been forgiven. You must know that God has a purpose and a plan for your life and that you have the ability to rise above every negative circumstance that may try to define you. You must know that you are not your mistakes, you are not an accident, you are more than the demeaning things others have said about you. You are an ambassador of heaven sent to earth with a purpose for a purpose. You must know that you are a threat to the kingdom of darkness and that you walk with authority because of the living God on the inside of you.
Added to this, the amazing thing is that even when you least feel like it, you still are who God says you are. If only you would know and believe, if only you would claim your identity. Child of God, Daughter of a Living King.
~royalty
Fear strives in the presence of uncertainty and the unknown. Many times, the very thing that prevented my progression was my fear. The anticipation of all things negative, fear of judgement, fear of failure, fear of not being talented enough. I had given power to fear by allowing it to dictate how far I walked in my purpose or how full I lived my life. But I’ve realized that we live within the narrative that we tell ourselves.
I am overcoming my fear by changing my narrative because as I change the story I tell myself; I change the things I believe to be true about myself and it is from that truth I live my life. I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. There is no limit to what I can achieve because of the limitless God working through me. When I root my narrative in Christ, my fear becomes faith and I face uncertainty and the unknown with new courage.
~faith
It’s interesting how the most beautiful thing about the mind can also be one of its greatest weapons, that is its ability to imagine and create. Its ability to conceive a thought that can form into thought patterns and from thought patterns to mindsets that determine one’s view of reality.
There is a mental version of myself that I have created, essentially one without imperfections. I’ve entertained the thought that she is who I’m expected to be and anything short of this version is deficient and inexcusable. I began to hold myself to a standard of perfection until I became prey to the pressures that I constantly placed on myself. A pressure to always have the answers and to always have it figured out. A pressure to constantly produce and perform without error. A pressure to always be strong for both myself and others. I conceived a thought that birthed a mindset that warped my view of how reality should be. A mindset that later caused me to mentally collapse beneath its weight. I fall short every single time. How could an imperfect being become the standard of perfection?
Feeling like I’ve been betrayed by my own mind, I’m in the process of recreating this mental version of myself. Yes, one who is just as focused and driven but also one who makes allowances for my failures, mistakes and everything in between. One who isn’t consumed with perfection but takes time to commend my progression.
~transparency
We accept what we think we deserve…let that sink in. The way you see yourself matters, how much you think you are worth matters because ultimately… we accept what we think we deserve. It is quite scary to think about… the mediocre love, the mistreatment, the under-appreciation you accept, even the opportunities and callings you refuse simply because you think you are incapable or underserving of it. In self-reflection, what is feeding your feelings of unworthiness? Perhaps physical appearance, social status, family background or maybe even things you’ve been guilty of in the past.
Whatever it is, you counter these feelings with facts…
You equate to more than your shortcomings. As a matter of fact, you are loved and accepted more than you know, not only by mere people but a divine God. You’ve been forgiven, cleared of any guilty charge and offered a place in His Kingdom. You are a part of a royal lineage and the more aware of this you become, the more accepting you are of what you truly deserve.
~worthy
We were created to create. Our life stories give proof that there is an artwork in the making, but the vastness of my creativity lies in the depths of my authenticity. What if I tapped into my uniqueness, the truest form of myself? What if I refused to colour within the lines of other’s expectations? What if I started embracing the beauty of my complex nature or began using my healed wounds as my sketch pen? What if I dared to be authentic? Imagine the beauty. Imagine turning life into art and living in the fullness of my creative capacity. Imagine designing a masterpiece signed by my authenticity.
~turning life into art
365 days a year; 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, yet not one second of it is guaranteed. Life in all its vastness is really but a vapor. In good health I could be here today but gone tomorrow and my biggest regret would be that I died full, that in all my living it amounted to nothing purposeful. No one shared in the joy of my laughter or was encouraged by the words of our conversations or benefitted from anything I had to offer.
To have lived a life of significance, I must pursue a life of service because it is not what I do that makes it count but how what I did influenced the persons around me. So in all my loving, in all my nurturing, in all my laughing, in all my praying, in all my gaining, I’ll do it with the intention of positively impacting others around me because once this heart has made its final beat, I want that there is no assignment left incomplete. My hope is that when I die, I’ll die empty.
~purposeful living
Time and time again I fall short, but His grace covers my inadequacies. He has devoted to walking this journey with me and though I fall short time and time again, His love for me never changes. His thoughts toward me never waver and His great plans concerning me remain the same. Though I tirelessly strive, there is no work that I can do to earn a love like this. With quickness to forgive and arms opened to embrace; there is nothing that can compare to the love that He gives. I’m drowning in His mercy, an incomprehensible goodness. There is nothing I can do deserve such love that’s without ending.
~love
I am learning that love is self-less, death-to-self. It requires you to sacrifice things self-seeking for the benefit of others. Love is not bitter nor is it conditional. In fact, love dares to challenge our comfort and convenience. Love is not mere emotion but an intentional choice. Love corrects but does not abuse. Love gives and love forgives. It keeps no recording of wrong doings. Love is faithful, committed to the cause of others and always affirms. Love rejoices in seeing others win and is patient and understanding in every way. For God so loved the world that he gave His only Son for the benefit of saving sinners. Though not to the same extreme, I strive to imitate this love. By choosing to die to my selfish desires and instead live to be of service to others; I choose to love.
~xo
Poised & Purposed 
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